Frustration and Revelation

I know a woman who is struggling to gain a handle on her life, and rapidly losing the battle.  She has made some bad choices, as we all have, and is living an unfulfilled life- floating aimlessly in dangerously unpredictable waters- again, as most of us are.  Some of us just have better vessels, because we are better captains. 

I enjoy this womans company immensely.  She is about my age, and SO FUNNY!  We have much in common, and for a while there I thought I had found a friend.  I shared with her the pain of losing my father to stupidity, and she had also lost her father under similar circumstances!  I shared my sadness and feelings of hopelessness with her, and she also felt sad and hopeless.  We both had the symptoms of clinical depression.  The difference between her and I became painfully clear recently- and one BIG difference is that I refuse to accept the status quo.  I refuse to believe that there is not a way to heal ourselves, and that difference sets us far apart from one another. We may as well be on two different planets.

I have trust issues, and that’s okay.  It’s because I don’t trust anyone (but myself) that I continued my search to understand what was happening to me, and found some answers.  I realized that I had Adrenal Gland fatigue that was exacerbated by the very natural hormone fluctuations that women of a certain age experience.  I was a classic case in a critical phase, and so is my friend.  I began to make the changes in my life that would support my physical body and allow it function more optimally, and I could hardly wait to share with her what I found so that she could begin to heal her life as well. 

I began to talk to her.  I explained that what we were going through was a result of hormone fluctuations and that because we were both stress cases that had experienced several harsh and life changing episodes in our life that our bodies were trying to tell us that we needed to make some changes.  I explained to her how most women in our circumstance were misdiagnosed by their doctors and given anti-depressants or worse.  I told her that we were not crazy, we just needed to understand the bio-psychology of our situations- and then deal with it!  I even explained the chemicals in our bodies that caused our discomfort, and then showed her a way to heal herself. 

And she didn’t listen.

And she won’t listen.

She has been indoctrinated into the medical industrial complex.  That perpetually present behemoth that sucks our souls with a smile and seeks to make us all dependent on their lies and their pills. 

She told me this morning that she is taking anti-depressants now, and  I can honestly tell you that she looks like shit.  She looks more miserable than before, and I feel like she is just barely hanging on.  What makes matters worse is that she likes to drink alcohol, which is a NO NO if you take anti-depressants. 

She keeps asking me how I feel, and I tell her!  I feel amazing at least 97% of the time now.  My depression is gone, my aches and pains are gone.  My face doesn’t swell anymore because of my TMJ.  I am better able to handle stress.  The lines around my eyes are disappearing…. and SO MUCH MORE!!!  I still have days where I am less than optimal, but those days are few and getting further and further between, and because I understand the biology- those less than optimal days don’t throw me completely for a loop. 

All I hear from her are excuses.  I want grab her and slap the shit of her in true Honey Badger style.  But I won’t.  I’ll just wish her the best, and just walk away, i’m sure.  I’m learning that it doesn’t matter how much I care, and want to help- if a person doesn’t want to help themselves, then they are lost- and so be it.  That’s called survival of the fittest, but I truly wish that it wasn’t that way.  I see such a bright and colorful personality fading to black.  :(  Because of her suffering, her children will suffer and thus begins another vicious cycle. 

I say BREAK THE CYCLE GOD DAMMIT!  The buck can stop with each and every one of us if we so choose and have the strength and intestinal fortitude to break these invisible chains that bind us!!!  Fuck these pill pushers and soul suckers! 

The best revenge is success, and I intend to be successful- despite the asshattery of the world around me! 

I just wish she’d come along for the ride.  We would have a tremendous amount of fun together- and the world would be jealous at our laughter. 

(Sigh)